I Wish I Was
by therandomer5000
Summary: Four-shot! Drabble! Each turtles has a wish they believe will never come true. Kinda sad and makes you want to hug them and give them each hot chocolates. R&R? x
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! I'm posting up this four-shot just now because I'm going on holiday tomorrow! I don't know when I'll be able to write next... so I'll update 'Magic Exists?' at some point... hopefully... enjoy x**

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 **I Wish I Was**

 **Leonardo – Better**

I wish I was better.

Everybody thinks I want to be perfect but I know perfection is impossible. Besides, Raphael would hate me even more if I were perfect.

No… I just want to be…

Better.

I want to be a better fighter,

A better brother,

Just a better person in general.

If I wasn't such a screw up the Shredder would be gone by now, Master Splinter wouldn't have nearly died and my brothers would be safe.

If I was better Raphael would love me, respect me. Donatello would let me help him when the stress became too much, he would listen when I tell him to sleep or eat. Michelangelo would be happier to train.

Everyone would benefit from me being better.

That's why I try so hard every day. Raphael thinks I'm trying to be perfect and mocks me for it, I ignore his harsh words and continue training.

But it never works. I will never be better, I'm stuck at the pathetic level I'm at now.

I just hope I'll never get worse.

I wish I was better…

I need to be better…

Because if I don't… my brothers will suffer and I'll lose them forever.

And that's not allowed to happen. Ever.

My brothers don't have wishes like this, they are already better and take every moment they can to rub it in my face.

Every day they put me down, shout and scream terrible things at me and show me just how terrible I am.

They want me to be better.

I want to be better.

It's got to happen one day… Right?

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	2. Chapter 2

**I Wish I Was**

 **Raphael – Open**

I wish I was open.

All I've ever wanted to be was open.

My brothers are always open with each other

But I can never grant them the same favour.

If I was open my brothers would understand me better.

They'd understand that I'm not angry all the time,

That I'm not stupid

That I'm not nasty.

That I don't hate Leo.

They'd realise that really… I'm not just some emotionless monster.

I've hurt my brothers so many times by not being open with them.

Mikey and Donnie think it's because I don't trust them.

Leo seems to understand that sometimes I just find it hard to share my feeling with others,

He understands that my thoughts are personal and I like keeping it that way.

What he doesn't understand is that every night I regret not telling anyone how I feel.

I've never been one to hesitate when showing how angry I am or what I think is wrong with everything.

But when it comes to the deeper feelings… the mushy stuff… I can never bring myself to open up.

But I'll never be comfortable with feelings.

I know I won't.

Leo with continue to comfort our baby brothers while I sit back and pretend I don't care.

They insist they know I love them

But how can they know that if I never show it?

How can they ever believe that I would do anything for them if I've never once shown the slightest compassion?

They can't.

Sometimes they believe I really don't care.

And if I was open… Everything would be better.


	3. Chapter 3

**I Wish I Was**

 **Donatello – Interesting**

I wish I was Interesting.

When I was younger I stayed away from my brothers while I learnt as much as I could

I refused to show them how intelligent I was.

Then Master Splinter insisted we start learning…

He taught us many things that schools would teach humans, these things were new to my brothers

But I had learnt it all before.

I had told them all the answers and shown my true colours.

My father was so impressed and proud. Even now!

My brothers had been impressed at first… they used me to get good grades on their homework

But as the years went by they lost interest.

I continued to share my knowledge with them and help out on the missions

But while they appreciate the outcome they never want to listen to me.

They only care about end results not how I managed it.

I'm not interesting. I doubt I ever have been.

Everyday I'm called boring for one reason or another.

At first I just took it as they weren't intelligent enough to understand

But when you hear the same insult every day of your life…

You begin to wonder.

Am I really that boring?

Is it me that's boring or just my interests?

I'm not interesting and I never will be.

I am boring. Dull.

I'm just plain old Donnie who enjoys boring people.

If I was interesting my brothers would listen to me.

If I was interesting many past mistakes would never have happened

If I was interesting then maybe my brothers would care about me.

If only I was interesting.


	4. Chapter 4

**Last part! Thanks for reading! x**

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 **I Wish I Was**

 **Michelangelo – Smart**

I wish I was smart.

I don't wanna be a genius or anything

That's Donnie's job

But I do wanna be smart.

Everyday I'm told I'm stupid or an idiot.

It's not something I can help!

I tried to get Donnie to teach me stuff but it was just so boring!

I'm strong, fun and I like smiling and making others happy!

Why does that make me dumb?

Father calls me free-spirited… I'm not sure what that means.

My brothers laugh at me a lot and insult me.

I wish I was smart enough to come up with a good insult.

If I was smart I would be able to help my brothers better.

I would be able to help missions go successfully instead of just screwing up all the time,

I don't wanna be smarter than Donnie because I think that would upset him, he likes being the smartest.

I just wanna be smart enough to not constantly make mistakes.

I don't wanna be a screw up anymore.

I'm sick of Raphie's insults,

Leo's scoldings

And Donnie's smirks.

I don't mean to be stupid, I don't mean to daydream when someone's talking to me.

I don't mean to offend anyone when I laugh at something random.

I just wanna be smart.

If I was I would be useful to my family

And maybe one day they would respect me?

But I'm not smart and I never will be.

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